And I found it kind of funny, I found it kind of sad.

 I`ve just arrived home from Riga. I spent around one week there - attending the job interwiev, helping my friends to move in a new flat, cooking and actually doing nothing. I hate myself so much, when I am wasting my time like this... I really need some changes as fast as possible.

Funny or not, but life is getting more and more tricky. 

I was so excited about going to Ryanair`s job interwiev, but I failed. No, actually - it wasn`t me, who failed. I passed everthing successfully - starting from english test and ending up with a real interwiev. Yesterday I even received an official confirmation, that I`ve passed the selection, but....

... but... MONEY... fucking money issues. C`moon, it is not serious - almost 4500 euro just to get a job? It is ridiculous. If I would have that much money, I wouldn`t search a job desperately. And the benefits are not that auspicious. Salary is nice, but all of the stewards are living in small cities, far away from civilization (near to cheap airports, where Ryanair can land), there is just a bit of free time, 1 time per year they receive unpaid vaccation and this company do not cover any social garanties like insurance etc. 

I am really, really dissapointed. I`ve taken decision not to go further with this offer. 

So strange - after almost 4 months of searching I realise again and again that volunteering is the only thing I love to do and where I am really good at. I`ve been organizing different events and taking part in many projects for ages - it`s my passion, not to say more. But nobody is paying for this kind of passion, unless you are a director of some youth centre. I could open one for myself, just I need much more experience. 

But this is what I am working on - last 5day I took part in regional forum, where I was responsible for my region and my duty was to lead a youth group, prepare workshop for them and present outcomes after... in front of around 200 hundred people. 

And guess what - yesterday I received a call from my coordinator and now I have a bit challenging duty for next Wednesday - I`m gonna prepare a seminary for leaders of local student self-governments. My head is full of ideas already and I can not wait to do it.

 Nice, isn`t it? You`ve found a thing you can do with all of your heart and passion.... but you can not make money with it :D Ironic, this life is ironic. 

But at least I`ve settled down in Latvia for a while. It is not that bad as it seemed. Just fucking cold... but it`s the same in Turkey now, so I can feel totally, totally calm. Anyway - I won`t get away, until I`ll have some unsolved problems here. I still can not figure out, what excatly is wrong, but I know for sure, that it`s like this, cause otherwise I would have been pulled in to the swirl of events already.