never hever give up

Give me a second, I need to get my story straight...

Ok, Mr. Universe - your theory has been proved - life can be turned upside down again and again and it doesen`t need much more than one second. 

I`m still shocked, my hands are shaking and tears running down my cheeks. I never, never thought, that one day I`ll face most of the problems I`m facing now. 

For a really long time I tried to keep my ears and eyes closed - I didn`t want to see, what is going on with the closest people I have, cause I was scared. And now it is too late - I just learned, that everything has gone too far already.... drugs.... cutting veins... depression.... fear.....And i wasn`t there, I didn`t know anything. Vale, I felt, but I made my inner voices shut up, cause I didn`t want to know... but now I do know and I`m terrified. 

It is such a mess, to be honest.

I`ve always been good at fighting my own problems, but now it`s harder than ever, cause it`s not happening with me and at the same time it is, cause it`s my family and it`s impossible to stay outside of all that. And at this moment it is too late to regret something, appologise for abandonment. It is too late to show up and say - you know, little man, I`m sorry for being such and asshole and egoist, I`ll be better next time..... No, this won`t work. It`s gonna be hard to find a way back, but I`ll do my best now.

You know, Mis Life, u can mess with me as much as you want! I will not give up. Crash and burn all my world, if u want to, but I`ll be the last one to leave the battlefield. Every single thing you do to me is breaking me down first, but also I`ve always got up and this won`t be an exception. Despite... In spite of... I`ll fight until the end. I`m going to prove myself, that I can handdle and I can learn to love, forgive and trust for real.... after all... 

I will love life again, just like I used to do. I`ll be strong as long as I can and I`ll take a good care of myself, try out the best to find the light at the end of tunnel! I will....