The time of my life

But the places and these faces are getting old....so I`m going home.

Oh, it has been a long time of silence, when I just was not able to write a thing. I wanted....  I wanted to scream out loud everything I feel and share all the inner storms, but I couldn`t. 

Another peace of time in another part of world, but I am not home yet... I am still searching. But where is the key? Should I first find HOME inside of me, before I mess trough all the world? Or there is a place, which I will be able to call MINE one day?

Time will show the answer, I guess.

But yes, here I am again.... Far away from what I was expecting. 

It`s been a while in Spain... not that long, but still long enough for many changes. I`ve been trough so many  things -  lost close people, fallen in love, learned, cried, seen dolphins and visited Rome...

First I have been stupid enough to spend 5 months in a place, where I wasn`t happy and then I was brave enough to leave that place without knowing anything about "tomorrow". 

I`ve worked in an Irish pub and been fired, because of rebelling against their system...

Not that easy times, I`d like to say... But I managed to be strong most of the times. I have someone, who helps me to be really strong. Someone, I`m gonna lose in few days (hopefully just for a while).

Life is such a weird.....occasion. You live, love, try with your best intentions, really the best. Things seems to run well and then BOHOOOOOOOHHAHHHAA shit happens.. and then another one. And you don`t understand, why the hell? Why the hell me? And now? 

You look around and see people, which are having superb luck in everything, you know that you could also have the same, but there are so many obstacles, which just does not depend on you.... 

Sometimes it is really hard, I feel so alone, while facing the world. It is easy to say - be strong, carry on, it will pass... of course I know - it will, but when you try so much and the only thing, which happens is - you lose yourself more and more.. it`s such a desire to give up.

So much of delusion... so much. 

At the moment I am settling off again. Last few days and I am leaving Barcelona. I am not sure, where the road will take me further, but I hope that I will finally feel like I am at home.